This is not about the other people in this story. It’s about me, and why I’m upset at MY lack of action. Not about how/if I’m any better than anyone else(I’m not. Usually.)Their attitudes, behaviors and decisions are their own to examine.
I did something I’m not super proud of this weekend. I kept my mouth shut. I know I’ve said I have problems speaking up in public, but this shouldn’t have been one of those times. And now I’m a wee bit ashamed that I didn’t say anything.
It was at church, during an adult Sunday class.
Yes, I know. I don’t seem the type, do I? Regardless, there I was. And we were talking about respect.
After first equating respect with mindless obedience to authority, which I don’t agree with for many reasons, the conversation then progressed into respect of peers.
One member explained that they were respectful of “gays”, as long as they were willing to do their own thing, off over there.
Another mentioned being disgusted that their daughter had a lesbian friend.
I sat there silent. Mouth clamped shut, hard. I had excuses, of course, for my silence.
I was tired from the night before, and not in the mood to enter a debate.
My children enjoy going here weekly. It gives my son a chance to play with other kids his age.
I grew up in this church.
My mom goes here. My grandparents go here.
If I start a ruckus, everyone will know.
And I already know(or thought I did) that my beliefs and attitudes towards certain controversial topics (abortions, homosexuality, legalization, etc etc) are not the norm for my family, or entire community, for that matter. (sometimes I’m a little bit dramatic, even in my own head)
But those excuses are weak.
Yes, my children, my family and etc go here. But isn’t that MORE reason to open my mouth, not less? I certainly don’t want my children to grow up having this attitude towards others. Didn’t I owe it to them to put the proverbial foot down and stand up and say, “No. That’s not respectful. That’s hateful.”?
Yes, I did. I do. And I should have. And for that, I’m sorry.
That is not respect. It is hate. I’m not even debating whether or not homosexuality is a sin (Aside: I don’t believe it is, because I don’t believe it is a choice, anymore than I had a choice to prefer penis to vagina in my partner. It just is.), I’m questioning the belief that telling someone they aren’t allowed to associate with you, based on a non-criminal behavior that does not involve you, is Christian in nature. I’m questioning the idea that gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders(GLBT) should only associate with each other. These same people who are saying these hateful things, wouldn’t dare to say it about a person of another race. They wouldn’t suggest that an Asian woman isn’t welcome to attend services at the church. They wouldn’t frown at a Native American showing up for Bible study.
We’ve had alcoholics, kids with drug problems, people who fuck like bunnies before they are married, unwed mothers, liars, cheats, hypocrites and a whole host of other “sinful” people walk through those doors, and be welcomed with open arms.
Why such a difference in the way we treat the GLBT community?
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11 Comments(+Add)
Wow. This is an awesomely amazing and thoughtful post. Loves you
PrincessJenn´s last blog ..Follow Friday – Book Bitches
Yes. I think that you should have… I really do.
Maybe the topic will come up again, and when it does, this time you'll say something. I think you will, because you are so sure that you should have and you regret not having done it.
As for why the diference for the GLBT community? I have no idea. None. I simply do not see why 'sins' (and I am NOT calling homosexuality a sin, BTW, any more than having pre-marital sex is a sin, in my view) are placed on a hierarchy. It's like "Oh, sleeping around unmarried: bad. Getting knocked up whilst sleeping around unmarried: much much worse. Drug addiciton: also bad. But not as bad as being a homo!" You know? I just don't see the point of any of it.
This is why I don't go to church any more. Because one day I said to myself: "Hypocrisy: THE WORST."
@WarsawMommy, If it does, I will. This is the church my parents took us to growing up, and this is the first time I can recall hearing such things from this place.
Then again, it's a whole new crowd than it was when I was little.
I don't understand the hierarchy either. Why doesn't lying rank higher than premarital sex? It often involves more people, and does a hell of a lot more damage, imho….
@PrincessJenn, lol, now if only I had thought *faster* :p
It's hard to stand up when you're alone. And you can't always do it the first time. But it's easier the second time. And I bet you'll stand up next time.
Great post.
Stimey´s last blog ..Buffoonery. I Mean MORE Buffoonery. (And Something Serious)
@Stimey, thank you for the vote of confidence:)
This is such a thoughtful post and I truly appreciate the message within it. We have ALL kept our mouths shut at some point or another when we feel like we should have spoken up. But it’s awful hard to speak up in the moment sometimes. And just like the times we wished we hadn’t said something or had a quick retort to something someone said to us, we tend to ruminate about it later. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just learn from it and think about what you will say next time. Because when it comes to controversial issues like homosexuality, there WILL be a next time.
Great post and I’m so glad you decided to share your experience and thoughts.
-Aimee
Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog´s last blog ..Mental Monday: What Kind Of Parent Are You?
@Aimee @ Ain't Yo Mama's Blog, Thank you for the kind words, and encouragement:)
Despair at the hypocrisy is one of the main reasons Hubs and I haven't joined a church and are teaching our kids a basic belief system ourselves. I do think churches are good places to get a start to finding one's own spirituality, but it is hard to say you share a faith with so many bigoted and hateful people. So we are torn since our kids are starting to be the ages where they ask questions and understand.
GLBT topics are prevalent now, especially with the marriage issue in the news so much, so I'm sure you'll get another chance. It may be better this way – you've had some time to think about it and won't reply with the raw emotion you felt at hearing it the first time, but with clearer thoughts. Good luck.
Cranky Sarah´s last blog ..My marriage is not my parents'
@Cranky Sarah, It’s hard, because I want them to choose for themselves, but my own background with religion in general is sooo screwed up. I don’t want my scars to be the major influence, but at the same time I want to make sure they’re protected from the things that hurt me.
And opening my mouth next time would be a good way to start making sure of that:)
Thank God I am NOT a christian.
Rob´s last blog ..Hannity Freedom Concerts A 'Scam,' Blogger Says